Author Archives: admin

2.13.03 – begin rant

it feels like the whole world is coming apart at the seams. and yet, my life goes on as normal: i go to work, i sort mail and answer phones, at home andy and i watch the simpsons and play with fetch with the cat, cook veggie burgers and speculate on the forecast for snow; i go to the theatre and we put on another good performance of edgy, in-your-face don delillo dialogue. i haven’t bothered to buy plastic and duct tape and bottled water.

i claim i haven’t been able to put together a really good rant on the current state of world politics because i’m just too angry about it; is that the case or is it just apathy? is it too hard, too much work to really get angry about it? i still feel safe; boise idaho is probably not a big terrorist target. i think it was too hard to get angry for a long time; now this growing sense of impotence is making me angry whether i like it or not. no matter what i, or any other average joe american citizen, says, it’s not going to change the current course of american politics. i get daily forwards from other peace-lovin’ friends: email petitions to sign and mail to the president, a grassroots campaign encouraging people to send envelopes of rice to the white house – these are followed by more emails exposing the petitions as frauds and the rice idea as a good way to start a new anthrax scare. what’s a peace-nik to do these days? my co-worker amy invited me to go to a peace rally at the state house. “what’s the point, tho?” said my cynical half, “100 idahoans marching around in the rain is not going to change george bush’s mind about going to war.” i mean, a hundred thousand, even if every resident in the entire state went on a hunger strike, president bush wouldn’t give a fuck. “i guess it’s just good to feel the solidarity with other people,” said amy. “i don’t want solidarity,” i told amy, “i want change.”

it seems strange to me that the entire world is about to erupt in war based on the decisions of a very small number of men. we talk about “the french, the germans, the americans” as if all of the citizens of that country were representatives of the political sentiments of the country’s leaders. i’m having trouble referring to the US as “we” these days. or rather, i catch myself doing it, because it’s a common speech pattern, and have to correct myself because i did not vote for that man and his decisions do not represent my will. but will the whole world come to this realization? will the iraqi people know that i didn’t mean for this to happen?

andy and i share a penchant for Mystery Science Theatre 3000 movies; last night we rented one that started with a short called Truck Farming. it was this piece of 1950’s style propaganda ala Better Living Through Chemistry. when i look at this kind of propaganda, it seems so blatant, so totally unhip that i can’t believe it could persuade anyone; of course, i’m looking at it through narrowed, cynical eyes that the 50’s didn’t have. i feel like, if that’s propaganda, then i’ll definitely be able to spot it from a mile away. but of course, propaganda has evolved along side the rest of the country, getting hipper and more cynical, more subtle. the government keeps its citizens busy laying in stores of plastic and duct tape (which, by the way, might come in handy for a leaky sink but will do very little to protect anyone in the event of nuclear, biological or chemical weapon strikes) and assuring us that by democratizing iraq, the threat of osama bid laden will have been eliminated. isn’t it funny how the US government went after saddam hussein just about the same time that bin laden slipped through their fingers? nothing like a war to distract folks. i mean, the audio recording from bin laden that aired earlier this week was promoted by colin powell even before it aired on radio stations in the middle east, because it served to further the US government’s case for war. and then there’s crap like this coming from CNN. showdown: iraq. be the first to know what happens next

how can we trust news coming from an organization that makes war – the potential loss of thousands of lives – sound like a shootout at the OK Corral?

and here’s something that really rankles: a clip i heard on the BBC world service this evening described a university district in a town on the border between afghanistan and pakistan in which books promoting jihad on the soviet infidels can still be found, left over from the soviet invasion of afghanistan. these books were published by the university of nebraska press. why? because during the cold war, the US was all for getting afghans to cut out the eyes of soviets, who happened to be our enemies at the time too. but now Americans are the infidels, and this propaganda has turned back on us. and we don’t have the guts to admit that maybe all our propaganda, foreign policy, our dependence on middle eastern oil, the fact that we supported the taliban not that long ago might have something to do with our current woes? i’m not excusing anything about september 11th, but it also infuriates me that the US can feed most americans the simplistic view that “they hate us for our religious differences.”

do i believe that saddam hussein is actually a nice man whose penchant for cowboy hats and american television indicates his fondness for america? no. but do think that we’re going to make anything better for the people of iraq, and the rest of the world, but invading like we are now? no. we’ve broken NATO in half, for god’s sake. north korea has nuclear missiles capable of striking the west coast, and the US keeps saying, “china and japan, can’t you guys work this out yourselves? we’re kinda busy over here bringing democracy to the people of iraq.” but do i have a better solution? well, no. and that’s part of what makes me angry, too.

end rant. i invite responses. i’m not claiming any of the above rant to have been expertly researched, so correction or discussion is welcome.

2.12.03 – technical difficulties

augg! the power supply in my computer is on the fritz, and so posts are going to be a bit scattered till i can get the computer up and working again. at the moment its guts are spilled out all over the floor in the office, and zeke keeps trying to climb inside.

2.10.03 – i am the tax maaaaaan

doing battle with the tax man tonight. three states filed, whomp whomp. it wasn’t pretty – thank god i don’t own anything of substantial financial value, houses or stocks or children. i mean, who writes this shit?

before i could start, i spent two hours trying to fix my dad’s bad install of turbo tax before giving up on my online help desk guy (who i thought was a bot: “please wait while i research your issue, jennifer” until he started making grammatical errors like “please to open the turbo tax now” or “the serial number is their at the back of the cd”, at which point it became clear that the long delay in response time was because i was talking to a guy in malaysia or somewhere).

Help Desk: please wait while i research your issue…

Help Desk: please wait while i research your issue…

Jennifer: okay, i give up. this product is the biggest piece of crap that i’ve ever purchased. i could have done my taxes with an abacus and a quill faster than this.

jennifer has left the chat room.

Help Desk: please wait while i research your issue…

for reasons i only partially understand, calling technical support lines always triggers a fight-or-flight response in me. as soon as i dial my heart rate goes up and i’m ready to fight, treating the agent like he’s the obstacle between me and my fully-functioning computer, and everything comes out of my mouth sounding more belligerent than i mean for it to. this is rarely helpful.

2.8.03 – the wallflower

ah, here’s the problem. turns out i was loading up an old copy of netscape 4.7. it’s not slithy-tove’s fault, i just needed a different perspective on the issue. like netcape 6. which took about 2 hours to download, thank you very much.

is it possible to be such a wallflower that you’re stuck to the wall in your own home? was invited by a co-worker to an indian-food feast this afternoon, and somehow i’m still in my house, dorking around on the computer and trying to fix the dishwasher, telling myself that this shit needs to get done when in reality, i’m just really bad at parties where i don’t know anybody.

2.4.03 – netscape: you’re still here?

ugg. another unpleasant reminder that slithy tove still looks like crap on netscape. still no time, a year after the first time i noticed it, to trouble shoot. no, it’s not a lack of time, it’s a lack of interest. *shrug* so yeah. use ie, then slithy tove is all pretty (and readable). it’s like asking your date to wear the rose-coloured glasses so that you don’t actually have to brush your hair: efficient, but in poor taste.

2.2.03 – courage to realize our dreams

when i was a kid i wanted to be an astronaut. i created this whole character, that i wrote stories about, a woman named kimberly. she was the team psychologist at NASA, and her job was to help keep the other astronauts calm when they got scared or lonely for earth during long missions. she lived in cape canaveral, florida, where it was always sunny, and she was strong and smart and had loved the stars since she was a kid.

i wonder if they even had time to be frightened.

2.01.03 – dodged the bullet

yes! it’s february, which means that my least favorite month is over, and the january blahs can recede for another 11 months. not that february is always better, but there’s something so droll about january that just makes me want to bury my head in a pillow and not come out until february starts. it might have something to do with seasonal affective disorder. maybe i need one of those huge fake sun lamps to cheer me. i try to stay really busy instead.

i thought my entry on how to get to heaven might spur comments from a devout christian out there somewhere; the only thing i’ve noticed is a huge influx in the number of viruses arriving daily in slithy tove’s email box (ha, like i don’t have norton utilities watching my back). maybe this is god’s way of punishing me for being flippant about his kingdom: he sends my email address to some bot that’s been frantically emailing out files with names like goldfish.exe to see if i’ll fall for it.

1.28.03 – shape shifter

7:45am – stage hand at the morrison center for the performing arts

10:30am – receptionist at the boise weekly

5pm – sound technician at the boise contemporary theatre

11pm – girlfriend

12:19am – dreamer

1.26.03 – how to get to heaven

how to get to heaven.someone’s been papering our cars, mailbox and doorstep with religious tracts like this lately. perhaps one of the neighbors has discovered we’re living in sin and is trying to show us the light. in this one, heaven appears to be a shining gold castle, and the children who get to go to heaven are beautiful blonde 1950’s-style children. in the panel that says, “Except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish”, the children are shooting dirty looks at a third boy who is waving a cigarette and a bottle of booze. i suppose that we’re the kid with the booze in this analogy. i appreciate the concern for the state of my soul, really, and i respect the fact that the people bringing the word of god to me really think they’re doing a good thing for me, but some of the pamphlets aren’t quite as friendly: “How can ye escape the damnation of hell? Your iniquities have separated between you and your god, and YOUR SINS have hid his face from you: bad TV movies, music, games, materialism, adultery, killing babies, homosexuality, cussing, drinking, smoking…FLEE FROM THE WRATH TO COME!.” does this mean i’m going to rot in hell for watching Blind Date last night? and then there was the one detailing all the advantages of virginity and the crime against god and humanity that birth control is. i respect our religous differences, there’s just no need to litter my doorstep with them. i’ve made peace with my god; i’m kind to animals, and he lets me watch tv now and then.