11.23.02 – Raleigh, NC; Asheville, NC; Greensboro, NC

i have the asiatic death flu. every time i turn my head at an angle the whole world begins to spin, sort of like drunk spins only without the alcohol. there’s a mall across the street from the motel, so i walked over there in seach of cold medicine this afternoon. wandering (weaving, really) thru the mall amongst all the christmas hoopla, it hit me how NORMAL everyone else looked. i mean, they were spending saturday afternoon going christmas shopping, with their friends or family, wearing clean clothes (i was wearing my load-out sweatshirt from the beginning of the week, which didn’t seem dirty until i looked at it in the sparky clean mall full of new clothes) and perky hair and after shopping were going to go home to their houses and cook dinner and be NORMAL. i’m tired of this gypsy lifestyle. i want to have a home to go to. i want to leave my shampoo in the bathroom and munch out of the fridge whenever i’m hungry. whine whine whine. being ill is the quickest way to make me into an 8-year-old at heart – whimpering for someone to bring the remote and make me soup.