11.10.02 – Jackson, MI

it’s the subtle changes in the body – they happen in small degrees, unnoticed, until one day you realize the body you’re in has changed. my palms are yellow with calluses, the sides of my index fingers are rough and callused from turning bolts. by the end of the week the dirt has ground so deep into my fingerprints that it takes scrubbing my hands with a nail brush to get them clean at the end of the day. they are laborer’s hands now. my legs are marked with bruises of many shades, many vintages, from purple to brown to yellow. the knob on the back of my shoulder sticks out further, my elbows are pointier, my arms are larger at the bicep and smaller above the elbow. my ribs show more clearly, the jeans hang lower on my hips.

the internal changes are harder to track. have i gotten stronger? tougher? gentler, more patient, more diplomatic? more demanding? the body is elastic; it changes with life’s demands. bruises and scrapes heal, fat replaces muscle or vice versa. i don’t know if changes to the personality are as reversable. we take experiences into us and move forward with those as a part of our new selves. it’s harder to take an inventory of our internal selves. i’m a little bonier here, a little softer here, bruised over here and callused here.