yes! someone at work just brought me a can of TEXAS ARMADILLO MILK. i kid you not. according to the can, my armadillo milk is DELIVERED FRESH FROM THE WORLD’S ONLY ARMADILLO DAIRY NEAR DUBLIN, TEXAS. can food simultaneously be fresh and canned? anyway, the directions are as follows:

ONLY IN TEXAS!
DIRECTIONS: DRINK ONE CAN DAILY FOR
RELIEF OF HEEBY JEEBIES, SINKIN’ SPELLS,
DRAGGY FEELINS, GETALONG HITCHES,
FITS AND CRAVINS.

WARNING!! CONTENTS MAY INCREASE
INTELLIGENCE, KEEP AWAY FROM
YANKEES, AND OTHER WEIRD INDIVIDUALS.

apparently this milk will also liberate you from the confines of grammar rules, as well. and what exactly are ‘getalong hitches?’

so the cash-strapped russians have decided to bring mir back to earth, and it’s set to land somewhere in the south pacific tomorrow. apparently, residents of that corner of the world don’t have too much faith in the russians’ ability to aim their defunct space station. one queensland farmer has taken the time to mow a giant x into his yard. if mir is headed straight for his house, i’m not sure that the x in the back yard will be of much help, but hey, whatever floats your boat. and speaking of floating, taco bell (according to rumor anyway), has floated at 40×40 ft target somewhere out in the south pacific. if mir hits the target, it’s free tacos for everyone in america. shouldn’t they treat the russians to a few tacos, too? after all it’s their space station.

some guy called into the radio station this morning during the mir discussion. according to his calculations, if they brought one mir down every day, it would take 360 million years to hit the target. now, i don’t know much about stats and probability save what i learned for the SAT, but it seems that there’s something wrong with the mechanics of that prediction. at any rate, even if the chances are simply 1 to 360 million years x 365 days, i think we shouldn’t be holding our breath for the free tacos.

i’m going to see an acupuncturist for the first time today. i have no idea what to expect, but i promise to post all the gory details tomorrow.