the other day i heard on the news that america is suffering from a fat epidemic. apparently one in three grade-school-aged children is overweight. i found this hard to believe, unless the fat is unevenly distributed around the country, california not getting it’s fair share. at any rate, it made me wonder.

obviously, we live in a culture that is obsessed with thin. in the united states, approximately 3-4% of all adolescent women suffer from anorexia or bulimia. and these are only the diagnosed, clinical cases. having been an adolescent girl not that long ago, i assure you that the numbers are much higher. healthy eating is a bell curve: not very many fall directly under the center of the arch. we blame these eating disorders on the images of skinny supermodels we’re bombarded with at every magazine rack or hollywood movie. certainly these set up an unobtainable goal for many young women. (yes, i do realize that men and older women suffer from eating disorders as well – by dealing with the largest group – young women – I do not intend to neglect them nor trivialize their suffering). but i started wondering about the impact that these well-intentioned health reports have on women and their expectations. if you tell an 11-year old girl that there is a one in three chance that she’s already overweight, chances are you will frighten her into obsessing about her real or perceived weight and eating habits. a year or two back, i recall the cover of an issue of newsweek magazine. across the bottom in bold letters it said, ‘fat for life?’ and had a picture of a chubby-cheeked boy stuffing his face with an enormous ice cream cone. the article was about the growing rate of obesity in children and how that continues into adulthood. certainly, its a fact that obesity leads to many health problems, and in an ideal world, all of our children would be out playing soccer instead of video games, choosing carrot sticks over brownies, and be healthy and happy.

or course, women are told over and over again to love their bodies as they are. the message is everywhere: britney ain’t real. i sometimes think that maybe women are smart enough to figure out that the skinny-with-insanely-big-tits supermodel body is an silly and unobtainable goal. but what about health reports like the one in newsweek? because of their scientific or medical sources, they carry more weight (no pun intended). how do women handle all these conflicting messages about their relationship to their bodies? how can women learn to love their bodies at the same time that they are bombarded with messages from not only hollywood but also the doctor’s office saying that their bodies are not right? women can’t love their bodies because they’re made to feel guilty that they are not doing enough to reach their ideal weight (whether that be a doctor- or hollywood-prescribed weight). but can women actually be made to feel guilty for failing to love their bodies?

at some point, someone has to speak up for quality of life. its one thing if a weight problem is causing additional health problems that have a negative impact on your way of life. but what about when being overweight is harming your life via the guilty and low-self esteem that it creates? i recall my mother once telling me that she’d been to her doctor for a check-up, and because she’d lost some weight, he put a gold star on her chart. i can’t think of anything more belittling and insulting than doing that to a grown woman (who, btw, is one of the most beautiful, dynamic, intelligent, and kindest role models i’ve ever met – and fifteen pounds is not going to change that). that doctor, because of his medical authority, had the ability to build up or destroy her self confidence. and why? because she lives in a culture that tells her she can’t love her body until everyone else loves her body.

you might think after reading this tirade that i’m overweight. curiously enough, i’m not, and haven’t ever been. but self-loathing isn’t a foreign concept to me. these days, i’m better at regarding my body with respect and awe just because all the muscles and bones work in coordination – it takes me where i want to go, i’m strong and can lift things, can run and walk and dance (okay, not since the vertigo set in, but that’s another story) – but i still do sit-ups because cosmo says i should have a flat tummy; i feel guilty because i never jog as much as i mean to. the thing is, i guess, is that in an ideal world, we would treat our bodies with respect and healthy life styles because we loved and honored our bodies so much. until we love our bodies – as they are – caring for them is an internal battle of guilt and self-loathing. i apologize if this is disorganized and rambling – it’s something i’ve been thinking about lately, but this is the first time i’ve tried to verbalize it.